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[kristopia]

Okay, I'm breathing, I'm telling myself all the stuff I need to tell myself.  I'm eating fine, I'm not overeating, I'm getting in my protein (should probly get in more green veggies than I have lately - dunno what that's about), probably could get in a bit more water.  I get busy at work and forget to sip.

Maybe it's the work stress (they're cutting our pay - we find out how much on Wednesday) added - maybe it's a week til my period.  But I'm feeling all panicky again, like I'm going to be a big fat failure.  I'm in yet another stall (well, I was as of Friday when I weighed).  I just don't get it - I know biologically I've always been a slow loser.  I don't want to start to feel, though, like I'm not doing any better with my VSG than I did without it.  I guess it's because I've lost this much before - just couldn't ever get below it - it's sucky to hit a stall right when you're getting to the first goal (to get below 250).

Bleh!  But I'm breathing, dang it!   

[shepkatt]

Come on Kris - just work through it..  Don't let those old thoughts get the better of you..  I was a slow loser too yet at the end of the first year I had gone from a 24 to a 6.. Somehow, amazingly, though all those stalls and gains (yes.. a few weeks I actually gained a lb or 2 due to water gain, etc) I managed to lose all the weight that had plagued me for so long.  You will do it!  Be patient..  Your body is an amazing thing and you are an amazing person.. You will get there!  Enjoy this year.. Once you lose the weight THEN the real work begins.. :-)

[ttowe]

Funny thing about the brain...I often wonder how truly powerful it is.

You mention hitting a stall just before you reach a major miles stone. 

Looking back..that happens a lot!!

My first major stall was at 250.  :-)

Then...

Next Goal was 230 because after two years of Weight watchers and I could never get below....230. Guess where my next MAJOR stall was? yep...231.  My head went ballistic and I thought...well...here it is..I've lost almost 50lbs...that all......it won't work for me....I'll always be 230.  3 weeks later, yes my stall was 3 weeks.....I drastically dived down below 225...almost overnight. 

The reason I tell you this...well hell...I don't know....I guess I'll I can say is.....You'll get pass this...you'll continue to lose weight if you do what you are supposed to be doing.

but there are people out there that completely understand your fear. We just can't do much about except continue to tell you that you'll get past this too. :-)

Toni

[cyndy40]

Kris,

You are doing great by recognizing that you just have to hang in and work through the stall.  And again great work on seeing that you will get through this and how the mental game can affect you.  You are doing great.  Rome wasn't built in a day (to sound clicheish (fi that it a word).  Instead, it was built one brick at a time.  Your weight loss will, too, be built one brick at a time in some phases and you'll get to where a whole building goes up and you don't know it. Just continue to breathe and acknowledge that this is just part of the process.

[Kierie]

Kris  I'm not a Cheerleader  (I was in Pep club with the other dissafected youth) However I will get out My Pom Poms and cheer you on. I know Presurg I fantasized  That I'd wake up a 4 (still hasn't happened) But It was a long process and eventually I started weighing in once a month b/c it was driving me bizonkers

You can and will do this! You have the tool and the will to succeed!

[HopenToBeThin]

Hey girl,
I am right there with you.  I have been at a stall for over a week now.  I have quit getting on the scales every day.  The pictures of me at my son's wedding this weekend still looked so fat.  whew . . . .  Just have to breath and know we are doing what we are supposed to do.  Loss has been really slow for the last couple of weeks prior to the stall also, but I have not been MYA.  Got to get back to it this week and hopefully the scales will start moving again. I have been letting work, planning for the wedding and other stuff get in the way.  Still a bit mistifyed as to why after getting rid of all the meds and 64# I really do not feel much better.  Was expecting a big energy boost and it has not come yet.  Really wish it would.  Flip side is this, with me being so tired all the time I can not imagine lugging an extra 64# with every step.  So, if I had not lost it, I would feel worse.  Even when the silver lining is a bit tarnished, still have to look for it.

[T2Nashville]

I read the replies to your post, and find that I cannot add a blessed thing. This forum of support is just awesome! Hang in there, girl!

[kristopia]

Yep - I love yous guys

Okay, so I weighed this morning and....drumroll please....249.6.  I passed the 50 lb mark.  This was great, though tarnished by the fact that I lost only 12 lbs total since August 30 - so one month and one week, and I've lost 12 freakin pounds.  Yes, I'm doing my stuff, working my program, etc.  Though, I have been exhausted and stressed at work (which, after tomorrow, might not be work anymore), and have not gotten nearly enough exercise.

Tomorrow, I'll probably be laid off - my counterparts in the same job at other divisions of my company have already been laid off - my day to find out is tomorrow - it's either layoff or 10% salary reduction - I'm going to ASK for the layoff, because I can't work full time on that big a reduction, so if they lay me off, I'll be back walking at least three miles a day on the trails, AND rebuilding my art biz while collecting unemployment.

My worst fear is that they will NOT lay me off, will not allow me to be laid off, and I'll have to deal with the pay cut while still working full time.  I'm going to tell him tomorrow morning to remember that if they do not lay me off, I will take the first job offered to me and I'm actively looking - better to save someone else's job than mine, when I'm gonna ditch out at my earliest opportunity.

Fun, huh? 

[T2Nashville]

First of all, YIPPEE!!!!! I'm so happy for you! Even with all of your worries right now, I hope you can rejoice in the fact that you have reached a major goal that you set for yourself. You are doing incredible, and I"m so proud of you!

Please keep us posted on your job situation, and know that we are here for you and praying for you. I agree with Devilwmn on the other post - you always have such a great attitude when faced with difficulties, and that's an inspiration to us all.

[kristopia]

I did not get laid off - odd that I'm disappointed about that, but that's how sick I am of NC Mental Health services, I guess

I find out this afternoon how much my pay will get cut - rumor is it will be 7 to 10 percent.  My resume is definitely going out there, yep.  Yuh huh.

Gonna try to do a youtube update tonight after the big work meeting. 

[kiersti]

Girl - throw that damn scale away!  Or at least stay away from it a little.  I can't weigh in daily anymore now that the initial loss has slowed down - too frustrating.  Bit those weekly weigh ins are sure exciting.  You are the tortoise in the Tortoise and the Hare - slow and steady wins the race.  And remember that you are building solid new habits that will be easier to maintain because your loss is gradual.

I am sorry to hear about you not getting laid off (seems an odd thing to say).  Please do keep up posted!

[shepkatt]

So.. Kris - What happened yesterday?  Did you find out about a pay cut or are they still making you wait on that? 

[kristopia]

I got cut - 7%.  It's no longer a living wage, but I'll just have to deal til I can supplement with my art and find a new job.  I'm going to advertize on craigslist for copyediting and writing (tons of phd students, doctors, scientists out here) jobs as well.  Meantime, my resume is updated and I'm sending it to every single company I can find, even those who don't have specific jobs listed.  Often, they don't list some jobs, so I'm going to get my name out there, and my face.  I can't really do walk-ins, as I am at work at the same times all the computer/research/pharmaceutical companies are open, but I'm getting my resume and cover letters moving.

I had someone try to tell me yesterday (the regional director) that since they laid off my counterpart in another division, I might have to go help them once a week.  I said....wait for it.... "No."  She said, "Um, what?"  I said, "No, I'm sorry, I cannot do that.  I already spread myself too thinly as it is covering the two sites I'm covering, and I do not have time to cover the other site.  I will give them the instructional tools they need to deal with it, but I will not spread myself across three sites, certainly not for 7% less pay.  Sorry."

She balked a second, then said I was right - go figure - dang it, I can't even get myself fired! ROFLOL.  I wasn't trying to get fired, no, but I know they laid off my counterpart out of sheer maliciousness - she was good, and they threw her under the bus because she called them on THEIR screwups.  I was called into my director's office this morning, and he said he'd heard that I'd refused to work at the other site.  I said yes, I had refused, that I had too much on my plate, and then I explained to him that I would not work in a hostile environment (I had worked in that division before - they're awful over there), and I was too busy here at our divisions to go there, too.  He told me he agreed, and that he'd said as much to the Regional Director.

Oy, these people, bein all nice and stuff! LOL   I guess they could see by my face that one poke and I'd be pushed over the edge.  And at least I know I'm valuable to them, as they don't want to lose me.

Unfortunately, thanks to the state (the cuts are not my company's fault, but the state's fault - beaurocratic bullshit), I'll be finding another job anyway, whether I like my director and coworkers or not.  I have to think of me first.

So, there ya go.  I had an overlarge glass of wine last night, as I was just plain angry, then posted an angry post on facebook, then went to bed and had angry dreams.  But I'm better today.  I woke up having made the decision that I was just going to say no if they tried to push me going back to the other division, whether they got mad and fired me or not.  Felt a bit like Norma Rae **hee** only I didn't have the big fight.

7% sucks.  Two of my friends got cut 13%.  That's even worse.  Ugh.

[kristopia]

Kiersti - I'm staying off of the every day thing - still doing twice a week.  MIGHT  cut to once a week, but NOT YET!!! (think of that said in Mr. Monk's voice)

Yeah, I tell myself slower is better.  I'd better not lose my dang hair since it's been so slow LOL - that will just tick me off.  Though I seem to be losing more of it in the shower lately - grrr. 

I'm gonna go home and paint more bugs tonight - it makes me smile and relaxes me.  I'm wierd that way.

[T2Nashville]

((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))

[kiersti]

Seriously - let me stop and give you a hug too.  (((((((HUG)))))))  What a week.

[baka]

Kris - As you mentioned you are actively searching for new employment.... A lot of employers when doing background checks now include networking sites such as Facebook etc.

So if you're going to go on a rant about your old/current employer make sure you have the right privacy settings.

[shepkatt]

My mom always says that everything happens for a reason.. when I was young I used to hate that.. but as I have gotten older - I see that she is right.

You are meant to be doing something else or working somewhere else..  You are doing the right thing..  Trust yourself girlie and make the change..  I am sure there is something fabulous out there waiting for you..

[Kierie]

((((HUG)))))) I concur with Lynnda

[kristopia]

Kris - As you mentioned you are actively searching for new employment.... A lot of employers when doing background checks now include networking sites such as Facebook etc.

So if you're going to go on a rant about your old/current employer make sure you have the right privacy settings.

Doh!  I'll make sure only friends can see my posts   Thanks for the reminder.

[benson]

Hit a Goal! Good Job! I am sorry about the other stuff. I think that you will be in a cooly place soon that will let you get your freak on!

[kristopia]

It's an up and down thing   Now that I'm below 250, I've been sitting there since my weigh-in; but hey, Im not weighing in again til Monday, so hopefully it'll go down a bit more by then - I keep reminding myself that as long as its going down, I'll be happy  - way better than going UP!