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[MelsReturn]

My favorite comment and question to Tim is:  "I don't feel so good."  (same line as Toni uses on "The Dumping Ground" in the videos, LOL)...  Then "Why did you let me eat that!?" 

He always responds:  "You wouldn't listen to me anyway!"

Me:  "Yes, I would."

The other night, we were at a restaurant and mozarella cheese sticks sounded really good.  You know the kind, fried cheese sticks you dip in marinara sauce.  These were huge.  I don't ever eat them and it just sounded so tasty.  When the server asked if we wanted an appetizer, I blurted out "Mozarella cheese sticks!"

Well, the cheese sticks came, the cheese sticks went.....  in other words...  he ate two, I ate two.  Only, that second one was eaten really slowly...  as in, I broke half of it off, then put half back on the plate.  It sat there a long while, and I got tired of seeing it sit there all lonely so I ate it. 

I had only ordered soup thank God!  So the soup came, and I ate a few bites.  I was so full, I didn't tell Tim that I was about to throw up.  I sure felt like I was going to...  later when we stopped at the mall, I finally said...  ??  You guessed it...  "I don't feel soo good.  Why did you let me eat that?"

And like the directions on a shampoo bottle, lather rinse repeat...  I ate, felt like crap, and repeated the same stupid conversation.... 

[shepkatt]

I do it too Mel.. I eat something even though I KNOW what the outcome will be.  Stupid Stupid Stupid.. but heck.. we're all human.. hopefully in another 6 years I will convince myself to not do this anymore..

:-)

[The Bibbler]

I find that if I say anything to Diane it has an adverse effect....so I do try and keep my mouth shut when it seems to me like she's 'going for gold'. Sometimes I just sit in silence and wait for the 'take it away or i'm going to eat it' line...but it doesn't happen too often....and if i keep quiet, all is well.....if I can keep quiet, that is! ...but every day is different and every meal wont have the same affect on her as the last, so I guess I will just have to keep learning...she's a good teacher and very patient with me.....sometimes

btw......totally off track here....what would the chances be of us turning up at the gates of San Diego Sports Arena to pay 'on the door' to get in to see Lynyrd Skynyrd this August. Anyone got any info about if this is possible? Sorry for the outa the blue question....but I'm a Simple Man!....lol

[baka]

btw......totally off track here....what would the chances be of us turning up at the gates of San Diego Sports Arena to pay 'on the door' to get in to see Lynyrd Skynyrd this August. Anyone got any info about if this is possible? Sorry for the outa the blue question....but I'm a Simple Man!....lol

https://freedomconcerts.com/san_diego

Ian

[abbienormal]

I love this topic as well-

Mike is also just trying to be helpful, I know, but... I guess I feel I need to experiment. I know I'm going to make mistakes but damn it- I'm just human.

That said... because I'm kinda new to this thing, I do like it when we go out to a restaurant and he makes suggestions on the menu. His feelings don't get hurt if I say nah, I'd rather have... but a lot of the time he comes up with good ideas. I agree with everyone else, being supportive is the way to go!

BTW... I now have coffee all over my screen after reading the headboard comment!

[The Bibbler]

I have updated the list I started on page 1. Every time I come up against my own stupidity- kindly pointed out by my DW, I will update it.

For some reason, just lately, I have been mentioning everything she eats. I don't know why this is happening and it is not intentional and it is also as frustrating for me as it is her. Maybe my clutch is broken and can't stop slipping into gear???

I will try harder D

T

[Gregor]

Thanks guys, I am a pre-oper who has had My DW as a major concern.  She is also over weight and I would really like her to get the surgery as well. 

I've been married for 24 years almost and one of the scariest things about this surgery is the high divorce rate.  It has one of the things that has held me back for years on getting this surgery. It seems most WLS programs leave out the SO(Significant Other) factor and that worries me.

Does anybody know if there is support groups for spouses?  Sounds like a good thing.  Most people I have met over the years who have had this surgery end up leaving their non-altered other. In some ways I understand that.  In most cases there were already other problems with the relationships pre-op but that has not stifled the irrational fears.

[McNee]

I don't know of any face to face support groups specifically for family/spouses, but the ones held by my hospital are open to family and other "support persons" (a best friend or whatever).

But also invite them to come here to BTV and the forums here...

[SeekingHealthy]

I love this thread.  You "guys" crack me up.  Same things I hear coming from my DH "wanting to fix things etc"....  Glad to know it seems to be a world wide phenomenon!     I am a lucky one as my DH's support is awesome.  Even when I tend to do something stupid.  He is there after the fact asking how he can help and being patient with my poor decisions.  Although I hand it to you men on this thread.....being proactive and even coming on these sites to read and learn!  You are truly amazing.  Wish I could get my DH to do so.  It just might help him to understand a bit more.  I surely understand him and where he's coming from a bit more thanks to your posts!

[The Bibbler]

I love this thread.  You "guys" crack me up.  Same things I hear coming from my DH "wanting to fix things etc"....  Glad to know it seems to be a world wide phenomenon!    I am a lucky one as my DH's support is awesome.  Even when I tend to do something stupid.  He is there after the fact asking how he can help and being patient with my poor decisions.  Although I hand it to you men on this thread.....being proactive and even coming on these sites to read and learn!  You are truly amazing.  Wish I could get my DH to do so.  It just might help him to understand a bit more.  I surely understand him and where he's coming from a bit more thanks to your posts!

Try to get him on here!!!!! I bet we could share our mistakes and make some comparisons about our stupidity .....

It definitely is a huge learning curve and sometimes I get in to trouble for either being over concerned or making inappropriate observations. On the plus side though....I'm also living the healthier lifestyle. It's no good only one of you making a commitment.

 I have never been   so active or had such a varied diet ( I love Rob's food vids,too).  Thanks to greebo I can't even just pick up food in the market any more, without reading the nutritional value....and I often find myself just browsing the labels out of curiosity. This sometimes creates strange looks from other shoppers  when we are comparing labels in the aisles and this used to make me feel really self-conscious...now i think...we're looking after ourselves and trying to get the best out of life...it's just too short to keep going for the processed dinner in a box choice!


So...please tell DH about this thread, a mistake shared could be a mistake halved and we could just keep each other outta the dawg house, once or twice

[DivaDi]

I am laughimg so hard reading everything I have said or heard in the last 29+ years.  My husband Tom and I joke about me "Renting" my meals.  It got so my kids knew when Mommy was going to go throw up her dinner and would get mad at their father for upsetting me.  I seemed to have my emotions tied to my stomach. Hindsight is I didn't CHEW well when I was upset.  I love my calm relaxing meals with my kind, loving and patient husband.  He doesn't want to be my food police either and figures if I want to eat that chinese buffet food then I must want to be miserable or Rent it.
Together we have thrown away No No foods.  He loves baked goods.  I avoid them    He likes that I'm okay to be eating out, but getting a box and cutting the meal in half or third taking the rest of the meal home.  Now he wants to do that too.
Please be sure to tell her she is looking good and that you love her daily!!!  Us women get soooo insecure and think you guys want the super model who gets airbrushed and not the one you hug and cherish everyday. 

[The Bibbler]

I haven't posted on here for a while and its good to see it is still being used

I keep requesting this but until I get a response I will still keep on plugging- GET YOUR OTHER HALF TO ADD THEIR COMMENTS

It wasn't until we went to MN that my wife (greebo) and I realised how 'normal' it is to ask for a box to take away the food that wasn't eaten. We dont have that kind of culture over here in the UK and staff at food places would look at you gone out if you asked for a box. You would probaly get a load of questions too! To make it even harder, if you took a box to put food in from your meal, the culture yet again, makes you feel like you are stealing it even though you've paid for it!!!!!


@DivaDi- like the comment about renting but I'd hate to be a second user    


It felt great watching greebo ask for a box and not having the pressure we have over here making ypou feel like a leper! Service is fab in the U.S....and yes Rob, even in Hooters the service is better than any restaurant over here;D

Anyone want to give two hardworking, young, dynamic professionals a job? I'd move today to get out of the closed mindedness of this country

It was fab meeting the  'normal' partners of some very amazing freaks on our visit at Patti's bbq hide-away, as we could hold an open forum about our journeys supporting our loved ones and realising that we as non freaks or 'normals' ( this is a phrase I heard several times duing our visit....)are totally powerless against the hurdles YOU come up against. Thank you for that as I have felt quite alone during greebos struggle to get to her happy weight.

The one thing I found that we all have incommon is we are there when you need us and even when we aren't needed we will always be there to offer those very (un)helpful pearls of (not so) wisdom when 'greedy eyes' have posessed you!!

[Maddie]

Oh, this thread is soooo getting use.  I thought hubby would need medical attention he laughed so hard after I read the banter between you and Mickey.  I am still a newb at this whole WLS thing and so he is too(bless him).  He felt he got some heartfelt insight from "the other side". hehe

[The Bibbler]

Life is just getting in the way....

Wow Maddie your new picture looks great!

I hope you two have bought crash helmets  

[Maddie]

Thanks for the compliment.

Crash helmets, pffttt.  I opted for the full body armor! (I bruise easily) 

[Myshadow]

Great thread, just found it.

I have a roommate and though I am only 8 weeks out I am not eating, every day have you tried to eat, hows your drinking, she has seen my try to eat something and start getting nauseated. Scared for my health, tonight I ate egg foo young one piece yes I got it all down with gravy and didnt get sick, she said dont eat to much you might get sick, made me just want to throw it all out. so this post seems to work for everyone who has had surgery and has people who care about them.

 

[baka]

Great thread, just found it.

I have a roommate and though I am only 8 weeks out I am not eating, every day have you tried to eat, hows your drinking, she has seen my try to eat something and start getting nauseated. Scared for my health, tonight I ate egg foo young one piece yes I got it all down with gravy and didnt get sick, she said dont eat to much you might get sick, made me just want to throw it all out. so this post seems to work for everyone who has had surgery and has people who care about them.

 

Go and read this it will explain a lot about the M.O.M (Month Of Misery) that you are going through atm

http://www.bariatrictv.com/forum/index.php?topic=4750.0

Ian

[The Bibbler]

So heres one....

When you and one you love goes on holiday, don't forget that all the rules change, but you don't know that, you are not expected to know it, you definitely don't point it out once you realise it's happening and above all...don't jump on the bandwaggon and think that it's fine to coax them into drinking alcohol, poor choice of food, changing their meal times etc...its not fine!

So why can't I stop myself? I must practice saying this more often- 'It's bad for me too!'

[greebo115]

No DH the rules do not change on holiday!
Eat the wrong stuff and I still get sick!!!!

There are many reasons for the behaviour you have viewed and I cannot possibly list them all.....but for me (and I can only speak for myself), I fall off the wagon on holiday more often beacuse:
It is much more difficult to FIND the right food when you are in unfamilliar surroundings.
It is much more difficult to resist temptation when it is all around you and the person you are with is pressuring you to participate (silently or vocally).
I tend to plan a little less (partly because of outside pressures to "relax" and partly from wanting to be spontaneous), then the point where my blood sugar falls and I just HAVE to eat something NOW sneaks up on me and sometimes the only thing around is not suitable.
Sometimes the temptation of something is too much and I obsess about it until I've had it-  the operation was after all WAS on my STOMACH and not on my head.

So, no, the rules don't change...I am not suddenly able to binge and drink like we used to.....and I know that is hard for you because I know you would like to.......but if you have noticed nothing about how those poor choices make me feel and ruin my holiday, know this - each time I get it wrong, I become more determined not to let it happen again.

[SAM919]

I'm sure that if she really thought about it she appreciates that you are trying to help, but eveybody likes to make their own decisions. Its all in how you approach it.
Instead of "Are you sure you want to eat that?" try "You might like the chicken instead" or "I hear their Santa Fe salad is really good". This way you are helping her by suggesting some better options. You are still being supportive of her diet but you are allowing her to make the decision (which she will do anyway) and she doesn't feel like you are judging her because she wants something to eat.  I myself have actually ordered something just to spite my husbands comments. In retrospect I know he was trying, but in the moment they make me so mad.