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[abbienormal]

So, I started a new job about 6 weeks ago- no one knows I was every over weight. I am getting close to goal so I'm starting to invest in some clothes. I've gotten a few compliments on my appearance, but the thing is... I still feel like a closet obese person. I feel like I'm walking around with this big secret all the time. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has felt this way and what you've done to get past it.

[MelsReturn]

I do know what you are saying.  I changed jobs too after losing all my weight.  We feel as if we are living some kind of lie...  as if we owe people an explanation, as if this "isn't the real me..."  The real me is 251 lbs, and obese.  This me now in this 130 lb frame is just some sort of imposter. 

But, the truth is, you do not know owe anyone an explanation.  If you were married before a new job and got divorced, then changed jobs, you wouldn't feel the need to say 'HEY I'M A DIVORCEE!'  Or, if you got a new car, or a boob job, or a nose job, etc etc. you wouldn't owe anyone an explanation. 

We really don't owe anyone an explanation...  at the same time, I think the problem still lies within ourselves...  we don't feel comfortable in our new skins yet and feel that we are someone else, or pretending...  it just takes time to accept the changes that we experience... 

But, that's just my .049 cents worth...  perhaps someone else has a better opinion....

[mommchan]

Mel, it sounds like you got it right... no explanation needed.
We carry the problem in ourselves. I hope i get over my fat self... lol.

Neice

[greebo115]

Yes, I feel like that too.

And what's more, I desperately wanted people to stop talking about it....to stop it with the comments.....stop asking me about my current weight and what I can and can't eat.........then when I meet a total stranger I TELL THEM THAT I USED TO BE 20 STONE (280 pounds)

WTF!!    Why do I freakin' do this? It's like I have to confess or something.......
Yeah, and it's like I have a skinny suit on and I'm saying "I dont really look like this, you'll be surprised to find that I am actually twice this size, I just hide it well" LOL 

I hear myself telling them "I haven't always looked like this....." or when someone says something like "Heh, but you've never had a weight problem..." I'm sooooo quick to straighten that one out!

Sometimes I start to tell......then I get this internal voice saying "What are you doing?! Shut up! Shut up!", but I can't coz the person is asking personal questions now, and I feel uncomfortable, and it's my own fault!

It's quite frustrating, coz on the one hand I just want to forget about it all and get on with my life, but on the other hand I have to stay focussed on my weight/food in order to lose/maintain.

It's hard to find that balance...

[despohr]

WOW!
What a good subject.
Right now 8 mons. out I am soooo wrapped up in what I have to do to the right things to not think of it. Sometimes I get tired of hearing myself talk about it, buuut it is my life right now.
I do have to admitt....I love the compliments.
We stopped going to one church and are looking for another one...I have wondered what would happen coz there may be no one who knew before.  Should I say something? Will they see more weight coming off me? I don't know. I guess I will have to wait and see.
Love this topic. Hope others respond.
Smiles Everyone
Daneen

[McNee]

I work in a small office (3 of us), so they've all been with me through this, and it's not like we could have avoided each other if we wanted to in the past... so I haven't really run in to what you're going through here.

But, I'm not afraid to talk about my loss, my decision to have WLS and such. I've become really involved in the program at my surgeon's office and am sort of a WLS evangelist.

I do try to temper myself though, as I do not wish to become "preachy" about it.

The attention thing in general though... I sometimes feel like/wonder if I get more attention now from strangers... clerks in stores and such than I did before. Or is it just my imagination? If it's isn't my imagination... is it simply cause of being "normal sized" now (that's still kinda weird to even type that out btw), or has my loss and new outlook caused other changes in how I project myself, making me more approachable?

[kiersti]

This is a Great topic!

McNee- I get that too.  More attention.  And not just the kind from men that one may have expected.  But I get better customer service in stores, strangers are more likely to chat with me in line now, people are more gracious when we pass on the street. 

I think this is part due to the fact that I project more confidence, make more eye contact and dress better.  Yes....dressing better does make a difference, especially when out and about in stores. 

But I ALSO think this has to do A LOT with people prejudices.  Sometimes it used to feel like I was a leper and no one wanted to get close to me or speak to me for fear of catching "the fat."  Maybe that's my projection...one never knows.  But the difference is dramatic in how I interact with the external world.  Especially with other women.  Women come up to me now and chat and talk.  At work, in the gym, in line at the store.  Is this normal?  It has never happened to me before.  It's not in depth...just social banter...but still new.

And my daughter started a new school after I had WLS and had already lost the most dramatic part of the weight.  So her teacher and the other parents don't know the old me.  And I have to say it is quite liberating to be able to not have the baggage of the "old me" in these new relationships.  I am just Evy's mom....not Evy's mom who lost all that weight (and they are secretly watching to see if I gain it back). Come on...you know some of the people are waiting to see....

I do feel like I have a secret...but it's not one that I feel guilty about - everyone has a past.

[abbienormal]

Wow! What a relief! I was nervous to post too much about this subject but you guys have said it all! It is truly as though you are in my head. I know it's my hang up and I shouldn't feel I need to talk about my past to everyone.  I hope as I become more accustomed to the new me and I don't gain back the weight- I feel like this is really the "real" me.
Thanks for all your comments!
Abbie

[kristopia]

I feel the same way often - a lot like Diane in this area - I don't want to tell people, but then I find myself TELLING people and thinking, "what the hell?  why am I saying this?"   I don't mind talking about my WLS at times, but sometimes I just want to be having normal conversations.

I like meeting new people in new places now, because they don't know I've lost 65 lbs so far.  So they see me as ME. 

And like Kiersti, people talk to me more.  Sometimes, when I was at my full weight, even though I'm social, I would feel invisible in a room of people - it was like the larger I was, the more invisible I became (which is odd, isn't it?) - Now people LOOK at me, and speak to me.  When I'm on a hiking trail, and people are going the opposite direction, they say HELLO.  Before, they just avoided eye contact and kept going.

It's very strange and wonderful - but confusing at times

[ttowe]

6 years out and I still feel like I'm only going to be this way temporarily.

Like I'm a fat chick hiding in a skinny chicks body. 

I've worked for the same company all along and the best compliment I get these days is "Oh yeah...i forgot that you used to be fat!!".   

[auntb]

I had one of those moments yesterday. I was at the Star____ coffee place. The line was long and the coffee people were slow. So I'm one of those people that will talk to anybody even when I was heavy. Most of the time people were nice and and talked to the fat mom type.

Well yesterday I was talking to a nice guy in front of me and an lady behind me. When we got to the register the guy offered to pay for my coffee and maybe we could sit and talk some more. Well I thanked him but said no I'm married. He looked at my finger and said " you're not wearing a ring" ( after the 3rd time I flung them across the room while gesturing  I've stopped wearing them until I stabilize and get them sized). I explained that I had lost a lot of weight and they didn't fit. He just kind of grinned and said here take my card and call me if you change your mind.

To weird. The attention was nice but not something I'm used to.  It kind of ambushed me. That I felt I had to explain surreal and being slightly panicked at  having to come up with an answer... well just weird.

[Mo-Mik]

auntb that is exciting/scary!  I'm not thin yet so I don't experience a lot of this but I totally had body dismorphia when I was larger I felt smaller and now that I'm smaller I feel larger.   

[kiersti]

auntb!  Gave you his card in case you changed your mind....HUBBA, HUBBA!  I know you are married (me too) but I would have melted at that kind of compliment.  From shock, flattery, fear, guilt, excitement....all rolled into one.

[auntb]

you said it sister

[kristopia]

Mik, that's EXACTLY what I'm experiencing!  When I was largest, I felt smaller - I'd go by a window and see my reflection and just be shocked because I'd forgotten I was that size.  Now that I've lost nearly half what I want, I feel much larger than I am, even when I'm looking in the mirror.  I try on clothes in sizes that are entirely too big for me because the ones I'm in now look too small on the hangar. 

[despohr]

kristopia 
I know how you feel about the clothes looking too small. I just experienced that recently. I went to buy a belt. YES A BELT!!!! I bought it too big. Now it is even biger on me.
I know you guys are saying "Why didn't you just put it around you and check if it fit?" I did, but I think my brain could not comprhend that I needed a smaller size.
I like these problems. They are better then being depressed cuz I couldn't fit inot anything.
Daneen

[Pete in Australia]

Aunty B, chatting up the guys in the coffee shop queue - you’re a heart breaker for sure now 
I share the same experiences as you guys with the altered way I am treated by those I know and strangers.

The weirdest thing for me is what to do with clothes that are getting too big.
In the old days - When my old favourites became too tight I would put the away, sometimes for 10 years, as motivation to lose weight.
Now, my old favourites are getting way too loose – should I put them away in the hope I may get fat enough to wear them again?
This would be Logical thinking is I were a Sumo Wrestler in the ‘off season, but I recon I should give them away and buy smaller stuff.

Anyone else facing this one?

Pete
Former Sumo Wrestler

[ttowe]

Pete...

Give those clothes away. There's plenty of people out there that will get good use out of them.

Toni

[kiersti]

Pete - I have lost my way through several things I love, even missing the chance to wear a thing or two.  But I am not keeping anything around to provide any kind of cushion.  If my pants get tight now - I better pay attention.  I don't want there to be any larger sizes waiting in the wings.

IMHO,
Kiersti

[greebo115]

I totally agree Kiersti - in fact I've just done it!

I've given hundreds, possibly thousands £s away in clothes. Bought some that I never got to wear. The second anything got too big, it was GONE 

Then after Christmas.....and plus 6 pounds......I could feel my clothes were tight. It terrified me  I had no larger clothes and nowhere to hide.

I struggled a bit, panicked, then focussed and LOST THE WEIGHT   

In my head I am still most certainly morbidly obese. I still stand patiently for people to move out of the way - even though the gap beside them is EASILY enough for the real (slim) me to to fit through (DH laughs a lot at this, I sometimes catch him smiling)  And yet in the next minute I'm looking for the smallest seat in the coffee shop and delight in sitting in it with room to spare.

Throughout my journey I've found numbers have saved my sanity.  The scales have told me I've shrunk. The calorie totals in my journal tell me objectively whether I have eaten enough to put weight on or not. When I get scared, the tape measure tells me I have a 27 inch waist and my clothes say size UK10 on the labels. I sometimes really DO need to look, really, just to make sure, I can't believe it.

Numbers.....lol......typical maths teacher 

[kristopia]

Give the clothing away, unless you have a good tailor to take them in and not charge a bunch.  I've given most of my closet of clothing away, and am running out of things to wear, but I'm okay with that problem

[abbienormal]

Daneen,
I know exactly what you mean. I skipped size 14. I knew the 16's were too big but I couldn't imagine that I was small enough to be a 14 yet. Then when they were really falling off I went to try on some 14's and it took a couple of stores to realize that the clothes weren't just not fitting right, I needed to try a 12. It blew my mind!

It took me a bit of time to let go but I finally donated all my bigger sizes. It's my commitment to never be that big again.

[McNee]

I tried a garage sale, didn't sell any of the clothes... gave a few of the higher end items to a friend that was roughly my size... like a 3X leather jacket that was given to my mom by a co-worker that had WLS years earlier. The rest got packed up and dropped off with Goodwill. You know those big rolling laundry bins they use to collect stuff? Filled one and half of those.