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[ttowe]

In an Upcoming episode, I want to discuss telling people about that fact that you were going to have surgery or have had surgery.

Did you tell people?
Who did you tell
Did you purposely not tell people?
Is it still a secret?
If you a long term, do you still tell people?

[T2Nashville]

I told everyone, even strangers! No, seriously, I need the accountability. I want people to know so that I can have their encouragement and support through the journey. I even want those idiots who are negative and ignorant about WLS - they motivate more than anyone! I want to educate them on the process and show them a positive result so they'll SHUT UP! I like talking about it - when people tell me how great I'm looking, I'm motivated to keep going!

[ttowe]

Totally agree with you. Accountability is so important.

I found it was easier to tell people "AFTER" the fact. I had to have my gallbladder removed so I told co workers that's what I was doing. Once I started losing weight...then I tell anyone who asked.

Some of the people I told before were SO negative that I stopped telling. Funny...almost  5 years later..those negative nancies...are now researching WLS for themselves. I use accountability with them by maintaining.  If I'm going to hawk it, I'm gonna dang well show the nay sayers that not everything they hear, especially in the media...is true.

[Yvonne McCarthy]

I told EVERYBODY!  I still do.  I did wait to tell my dad last (as far as my family) because he was the one that I figured would object the most.  The funny thing is...I was always a pushover and people pleaser but this was the first thing in my life not up for discussion and I didn't care who didn't want me to do it.  I also didn't care if it was dangerous because my life as an obese person was not something I wanted to live anymore. 

I have found a very distinct group of post-ops (like my cousin) that told no one, and tells no one why she lost the weight and probably doesn't have a single picture from the past.  I don't know if it comes from shame or just wanting to leave the obese life behind.

I forget if I posted this somewhere but I even told a bellman.  He asked why I was in town and when I explained it was WLS related, I told him my story and showed him pictures.  It turned out his wife had been wanting surgery for a long time and he thought it was a bunch of crap.  Thanks to that conversation, he opened up and said he would go home and talk to his wife about doing it.  How cool is that???
Blessings, Yvonne
aka Bariatric Girl

[MelsReturn]

I came out with all the bright glory and splendor you could imagine... I told the entire world!  And that was before surgery.  After surgery, I continue to tell people.  I am very proud of my accomplishments.  And, if I can help someone else with my experiences, then I say it is all worth it.  I don't try to convince people to have surgery.  I just try to tell them what has happened to me as a result, good and bad.  I did have some complications and I want them to know this is a lifestyle change, FOREVER, and not just a magic button and POOF !  You are thin and never have to worry about being overweight again...  I want them to know, its a lifelong journey.  I will struggle for a long time, maybe forever, with these eating issues and making sure to stay on target/goal.  Sometimes I do endulge in a food I am not supposed to eat.  "Fall off the wagon"...  but then I get back up from the fall and keep on going one foot forward each and every new day...  I want people to know this is not for the faint of heart.  Its a lifelong commitment.

[Mark_in_Chicago]

I told everyone.  I am a busy hairstylist and I figured my clients see me every 4-6 weeks.  If I didnt tell them, theyd have figured it out anyways.  I still tell people, but it depends on the situation.  If its a dating situation though, I ususally dont offer up any more than "Ive lost a huge amount of weight." And thats only if things are becoming , shall we say, "intimate".  Theres no other explanation for why a 6'3 "skinny" guy ahs all the weird loose skin.  If they press as to how I lost it, I am always honest about it.

[shepkatt]

Well.. I told all of my family.. Everyone was good about it.. My dad DID say "why can't you just diet and exercise".. OMG DAD!  Diet and Exercise!  THAT'S IT!  Why didn't I think of that..  *sigh*  .. if you have never had this challenge.. you just don't get it.

I started off telling my friends but one good friend who I thought would be happy for me (as she was also overweight) was so disappointed in me.  Totally harshed my mellow.. So I decided to not really say anything to anyone else until it was over.  Just didn't want a bunch of evangelists trying to keep me on the 'dark' side.. :-)

[sandietay38]

I told my family first then told everyone else. I just received approval for my surgery but I won't be having it until January hopefully. The first reaction was Why!. My sister keeps trying to convince me I can do it on my own. My dad all of a sudden says if it's what you want then I support you but just a year ago he was having me talk to his friends that have had the surgery so that I can get some incite and encouragement. No he is unsure I should do it. My mom is scared which is natural. But I have very little support in my family. Tell people are ok but you have to be willing to take the bad with the good.

Sandie

[ttowe]

Hey Sandie...

Look at it this way...your Dad's apparent change of heart means he loves you very much and is just concerned. It's really easy to suggest something to someone, but when they actually do it, you realize your suggestion has huge ramifications and you feel responsible.

Anyway...Congrats on the approval and good luck.

Toni

 

[kellybmomof3]

I have only told very close friends and my family.  I don't know if I will tell anyone else.  I haven't had surgery yet.  I'm planning on Lapband surgery, but have to be under Dr.'s care for 6 months...I'm on month 4 now.  So, I'm hoping to have surgery at the end of March or April.  I have only had one bad reaction from a good friend, so I have just not mentioned it again.  The rest have been really supportive.  Every one of them have been with me as I've lost and gained, so they know the struggles I've been through.  I thought my Mom (who doesn't have weight issues) would be worried for me, but I think she's even more excited than I am! 

[smilingsuzie]

I verbalized the idea to my sister, and it took off from there.  I was scared to tell my inner circle of girlfriends and anyone I work with.  I think the stigma of WLS is alive and well.  One "friend" is not taking it well and may now not be a friend. 

One quote from the email:  "i've spent countless hours online reading blogs, scanning through chat room comments.  you know the common thread of 90% of people who have this surgery?  lonliness.  almost all of them are single.  when are you going to just be happy with who you are?  live in the moment." And most special..."i would be completely shocked if this surgery enabled you to be smaller than you have ever been in your entire life.  that is why i keep reminding you it is about how you feel, and what looks healthy on you.  you are always talking amounts of weight and the size you want to be.  you have these outlandish thoughts that you are going to drop all this weight, find a man and your life is going to be perfect.  wake up.  life is not perfect for anyone.  so what if you have had to struggle with weight.  you could be blind.  be in a wheelchair.  you could have some real obstacle to overcome.  not a fabricated one that you feel will catapult you to the center of everyone's attention."

To say it has been difficult explaining this to my size 7 friend is an understatement.  She has since said we need to cultivate new friendships.... ya, to say the least. 

Family has been supportive. I've only told 5 friends and 4 are supportive.  Do I regret doing it? Just with the one..

[Big Mickey]

Hey Suzie,

      First off welcome to the site and the forums. We're glad to see you here and hope you come by often. I think you'll find some of the support your looking for here with our members. Now with that out of the way I wanted to reply to your post regarding your friend.

    You should know that I have not had surgery but my wife Toni has, as you know from the videos. Because of this I may be able to provide some perspective on what it's like to be on the other side of this equation. Toni's surgery was a very scary time for me. I knew that she wanted to do it and had done plenty of research on it. But that still didn't relive the fears I had about leaving my wife's side as she was wheeled into an operating room. What if that small percentage of things that can go wrong happens to us? I suspect that this friend is scared of a possible bad outcome no matter how small the chance of that happening is. If they agree and are supportive there could be guilt to deal with if something does go wrong. That quite possibly could be the reasoning for their distancing them self from you. However in the end you are the one that has to deal with your happiness.

   My situation was a bit different as I could empathize with Toni's feelings as I have always been an overweight individual, so I could understand the struggle as I have dealt with it as well. I could also understand that I had to deal with it from a male point of view which is far less troubling than a female one. After all let's face it, to be an overweight male in this society is no where near as difficult as being an overweight female. I remember telling a female friend of Toni and I who was thinking about surgery, and dealing with some guilt about doing it, the following. In this society women are judged on how they look and men are judged on their success. In short women are sex objects and men are success objects. If their was a surgery that could make me a rich and successful man, I would have it tomorrow!

   In closing, only you know what's right for you. You do the research and understand the risks and the lifestyle changes you need to undertake. From there you make the decision. You're the one that has to live in your skin and your head everyday. My bet would be that once the friend sees that you are doing well and are happier than ever, they may experience a change in their perspective. I know I did with mine.

Keep smiling, it makes folks wonder what the hell you're up to!

Mike
 

[ttowe]

Can you all see why I'm absolutely nuts about this guy?

Love you honey.

t

[thamlet2149]

I told my family first that I was having GBS (even before I knew it, lol) and then everyone else.  I hate it when the waiter comes to the table after you have eaten your 3-4 bites and stopped dead in your tracks or the family is going out for a buffet, so I have learned to have no shame for my freakish alterations and just explain that I had GBS and can't eat alot but that it will get eaten over the next couple meals , and I always ask if they have a special for GB patients at the buffets (I am not paying full price) if they say no then I don't eat there , I just take up a spot, dump some Ocean spray packet in the water and enjoy the conversation, lol.

I am not ashamed of my decision for a healthier life and if my experience inspires another, I am all for it.  Two of my friends have taken up daily excerise too and have lost a substantial amount of weight with out the surgery, in fact more weight than I have lost in less time, but then again they both were also about 70 lbs heavier than me to begin with.  I just hope I can now inspire them to keep to continue and to keep it off.

[Kellie]

My boyfriend, whom I live with, knew all along and has been my rock throughout it all.  He came with me from my very first informational session right through all the tests and the evaluations and followups, and now I'm 9 days till surgery and he's still been there for me in every way I need him to be.  I told my mom and younger sister first, right after I decided this is what I'm going to do.  Then about a month later I told my Dad, he reacted with, "Oh I don't like this at all" and got a worried look on his face and walked away to smoke a cigarette (guess I stressed him out!).  When he came back into the room though, he said "well, if you think you need this, then that's that".  He's a man of few words, but I know now that he's in support of it.  I told my brother about a month after that, and his reaction was one I never would have expected, especially since he's even more overweight than I am.  He said something along the lines of him and his wife being totally against it, and compared it to when my Mom convinced him not to have lasik surgery when it first came out.  I was like, "what, are you serious?!  A surgery because you don't want to wear eyeglasses even though you've never even tried putting in contacts is NOTHING like having surgery to alleviate medical conditions that I have due to being obese!  If I want to live a long and healthy life I need to drop the weight that I've battled since I was 7, it's even comparable to not wanting to wear eyeglasses!"  That infuriated me, and I never spoke about it again.  Though he's asked me about 13 times now when my surgery date was to make sure he got it right, so I'm assuming he'll be visiting me at the hospital.  Other than that, I haven't told anyone but one close friend, whom I'd been friends with since I was 5.  And I only told her last week right before I started my liquid diet.  I figured it would be the easiest way to explain why I won't be going out for lunch/dinner with her for girl gab sessions anymore.  She was very supportive and expressed her concern for my wellbeing.  I'm waiting until after the surgery, or the night before, to tell my Nana, whom I'm probably closest to in my family.  She's old, and worries a lot (which is where I get it from!) and since she's a bleeding heart like myself, I don't want to give her unnecessary stress at her age.  It's been killing me not to tell her, since I know she'll support anything I do, but I know I'm looking out for her by not. 

[imzinchworm]

Yep, I've pretty much told the whole world.  I'm proud of what I've done and I see no reason to hide it!  Everytime someone mentions my weight loss I say... You know I had surgery right?  They either say yes or no.  I told a few people at work, but I knew everyone would know by the time I returned from being out.  Also, I've dropped so quickly, some people have figured it out on their own. 

[Pixie]

I was on the fence about telling everyone for a long time, but then I told everyone. I have alot of support because of that. My family, and co-workers are great, and praise me all the time about how good I'm looking. Considering I was very upset with my decision for the first few months, this is why I have pulled out of the funk I was in. Glad I fianlly told everyone, and I tell anyone who asks about my weight loss.  My weight loss has motivated the girls at work to have a wight loss challenge. They're pooling thier money, and whomever loses the most gets the jackpot. That's a good thing.

[TheLazyC]

I did not tell anyone, not even my wife until I knew it was going to happen. I did not want to hear anything from the nay sayers.
My insurance agent was the first person and only person until I had a date set, then my wife and parents.
I did not want anyone to know, but it is no secret now. I still do not volunteer the info to anybody, only if they ask why the sudden weight loose.

In an Upcoming episode, I want to discuss telling people about that fact that you were going to have surgery or have had surgery.

Did you tell people?
Who did you tell
Did you purposely not tell people?
Is it still a secret?
If you a long term, do you still tell people?

[kristopia]

I SAY I'm not telling anyone, but I probably will eventually.  A very few people know I'm considering lapband, but as far as most people are concerned, I might "possibly" have to get a surgery in the near future.  They can assume what they want.

Then again, I have always been so open about things pertaining to me and my life, I'll probably end up blurbing it out to everyone here, but not to my family, who would probably not be supportive and live in different states - they can find out later

[truckdrivinmom]

At first, I only told my sister in law (she's a nurse) and my mom.  I made mom swear she wouldn't tell my dad. Dad's side of the family is "fat phobic".  I ended up having to tell my boss.  HUGE MISTAKE!!!  She spread my story like it was front page news!  She even went as far as to tell me, I was CHOOSING to have the surgery, and she almost refused to give me the time off.

So, I don't tell anyone now.  I sorta feel like I have to 'hide' the fact that I made a choice to save my life.  Good thing for Wii Fit, because I haven't left the house in two weeks!  If I could go back, I wouldn't have told anyone.

[ttowe]

Wow...that is so SAD that your boss did that to you.

As far as your boss is concerned..If you work for a larger company........I'm not sure where you work..but you may want to mention  to your boss, that she had not right disclose your "medical" situation to other employees, no matter what her "opinion" on WLS is.  Particularly without your permission. That's just wrong.

t

[wtgrlady]

I told my family that live close by.  I told a few people at work.  I didn't  have anyone try and talk me out of it or say anything too negative.  If I feel like someone is going in a negative direction I just tell them I did it for my health.  It is hard to argue that point.   The hardest part for me is now that I have lost enough weight to be noticeable and they ask how I did it, I always feel flustered and now sure what to say.  I usually just tell them.  It's like deer in the headlights. 

[Deedles]

My most important ally is my husband. He's been to every seminar and meeting with me so far. Still being post op I haven't told too many, just a few very close friends. I was really surprised at the reactions from a several of them. Most expressed concern for my safety but supported my choice. There are a couple that have just refused to mention it, like it doesn't exist. And a couple were very vocal about their feelings against it. I don't have any close family so no problem there. I doubt I'll mention it again to anyone. After the surgery and the weight losses start, if anyone asks I'll be glad to tell them but I won't be offering the info first. No ashamed of it, I've just decided this is a personal decision that doesn't need anyone else's approval.

[queenmarylady]

I've told family, best friend, and a few coworkers. There's actually one gal at work that just had it done, and myself and another are now about to try to. I can see how this other woman may feel like everyone is jumping on the bandwagon as if it is "the in thing" but that's not my reason for it, I thought about it years ago just have finally decided okay, I'm ready now. I have total support from the friend and family. In fact they're almost pushing me to do it LOL.  I think I am going to keep quiet about it now if I can though, until I actually have a date. If something were to go wrong and I can't do it I'll be too sad if people come up to me and say "weren't you going to have surgery?what happened?"
And it all boils down to money. I think I can afford it though.

[trustno1]

I've told hubby, 'rents and a few random strangers (people at GNC, a cashier at Walmart who guessed by what was in my basket).  That's all for now.  Eventually the rest of my family may or may not be told, I'm not sure.  But the friends I'd love to tell because I know would be supportive also have big mouths and will tell the non-supportive friends.  The ones who will harp on my decision, non-stop.  I'm not ashamed of what I've done, but I also don't feel a need to hear how stupid I am on a regular basis, nor do I need anyone's judgements.  Why deal with that crap, kwim?

And the funny thing is - I've always been (too much of) an open book.  So even though they might suspect it, they'll dismiss WLS as the reason for my (hopefully obvious by the time I see them in May) weight loss because they'll think if I'd done it, I wouldn't be able to keep it to myself! lol

T