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[SlimColaGirl]

I am keeping my lapband a secret. The only one who knows is my husband and he's ultra supportive. In fact, he's been seeing me battle my weight since I met him 7 yrs ago. He even helped me research the doctor who would perform my surgery in Tijuana, Mexico and outright paid for my procedure out of a huge bonus from work. He's so excited for me! My cover story will be that I'm both seeing a weight loss coach and training for a bicycle touring event in august. I will be doing a 150 mile ride from San Francisco to Sonoma County and can't wait to start training. This should explain how I've lost all that weight so quickly, if I should be close to my goal by then.

I took me a while to come to the decision to keep it quiet from everyone else, but it's the right decision for me. Besides my husband, I'm not exactly surrounded by caring and supportive people. And I want to concentrate on continuing to build healthy habits, not on people's reactions to my wls whether negative or positive. This is possibly the biggest and riskiest decision I've ever made for myself. But with big risks come big rewards. For support (and inspiration), I count on my online friends and they have been amazing. I invite you to be one of them by subscribing to my blog or youTube channel, which I update regularly. Good luck to everyone on this journey!  :-D

[sherridawn]

I finally let the cat out of the bag a few days before I left for Mexico.  I had to not only tell them, but also had to explain that Mexico would be safe and I needed them to trust my decision.  Now my son is going to have surgery and he is almost 400 pounds.  He is not private at all.  I never have told my church family and we are all very close.  I just told them I was loosing because I cut all the sugar out of my diet due to my diabeties.  Now with him doing this too he will have no problem telling them all how he is loosing it.  I figure since I told them we went on vacation in Mexico and him telling them he had it done in Mexico, they will all figure it out and I have waited so long now I will look like a liar to my church.  My son told me I need to talk to the pastor soon and tell her at least.  This is becoming as complicated as "Days of Our Lives" or Guiding Light.  Help   

[Big Mickey]

Hey Sherridawn,

    Here's my thoughts on your situation. Weight loss surgery is a very personal decision and not everyone is going to be supportive of it. I think this is the main factor in why people chose wether or not to tell other about it. I certainly don't think telling people is a requirement, even if those people are part of your church. If you decide to keep that part of your life private, that is perfectly acceptable and they should understand that. You haven't lied to them, you've chosen not to share that part of your life until YOU'RE ready to and I certainly think that's fine. So, stop beating yourself up about it, you've done nothing wrong!

Mike 

[ttowe]

Absolutely.....I did the same thing. I only told a few people at work. Everyone else...when I started to lose the weight...I just told them "I've changed my way of eatting". 

Evenutally I told them that I had surgery. If anyone said "why didn't you tell us before". I stated simply that "having surgery was a very personal decision for me, I'm aware that there is a lot of miss perceptions out there regarding surgery and I wanted to maintain a positive attitude before and after surgery so I kept it to myself".

If they can't handle that..then they aren't really a friend.

t.

[sherridawn]

Thank you both for your reply.  You know, I want to tell them now.  I am strong and do not feel I have to defend my decision.  Toni, I know they would not judge me and they love me.  What you said about telling them this was a personal decision is great.  I think if I told them like that they would surely understand the 8 month wait.  I am working up the courage and hope I am as strong as I feel I am so I can walk away without thinking I have to defend my decision.  Thanks, you guys are "freakin" awesome!!   

[Star]

I told everyone who asked and still do..  I was 55 when I had surgery and I have had both supportive and the remarks oh you took the easy way out..  I just let it roll off my back..  My response is you have your opinion and I have my reasons..

  I get asked a lot would you do it again and I alway say yes even with the set backs I have had. I also have many who want to talk about it and want to learn more, I feel if I can enlighten someone and give them good information then thats a good thing.   Its a very personal thing and if you don't want to share information don't.   

[wtgrlady]

Hey SlimColaGirl!  I work in Sonoma County.  That is so cool you will be riding from San Francisco to Sonoma County.  Keep me posted.  I am so excited for you!  I will be there waving you on!   

[Sephia]

I'm at the point where I have not had my surgery yet. I have NOT told family at all about my decision besides my husband who is supportive and has agreed to keep this our "secert" for now too.

My reasonings right now are the fact that a week into my WLS journey, my DH lost his job due to lay offs. We have 6 weeks left on his insurance but I am skeptical on whether or not I will get the surgery done in time or not. So I really don't want to put it out there to add to the already stressful situation. Plus, while we do have some money saved I don't want people judging us for using the money on the surgery (if we decided to) instead of the family. The timing has been really sh!tty, since I did think long and hard about this decision for the past 3-4 years now. In all seriousness if I had KNOWN my DH would have been laid off I would have done this last year. 

Even still; no matter WHEN I get the surgery done I plan on NOT letting anyone know until either I am walking into the hospital for teh surgery, or until I see them next after the surgery. Which for my family could be several months.

I have told some church friends (they don't know my family thankfully) and have gotten positive responses and have met some veterans of WLS who are helping me with info and what not.

I've been struggling with my weight for over 20 years now and it is simply time for ME to take over and I certainly don't need the outside world, especially family, telling me what to do or how to do it.

[shepkatt]

I'm with you all of that Sephia...  I didn't tell anyone cept my hubby until I was already well into the approval process.  My mom was great about it.  My dad said "I don't understand why you have to do this... why don't you just diet and exercise?".... LOL.. I smacked my forehead and said "DIET AND EXERCISE?  Wow!  I never thougth of that.. Write a book, Dad you will make a fortune!" 

He eventually came around - in fact everyone did.. but in the beginning I just couldn't stand the thought of negativity.  I was (and still am to a point) a pleaser and knowing there were people out there who were unhappy with my choice would have eaten me up inside..  So I get ya on staying silent.  This is YOUR choice.  Its YOUR body.. and as long as you are going into it with your eyes wide open and your brain well informed - you shouldn't allow yourself to feel one iota of guilt!

[Indykitty]

I told my close family and friends, and coworkers that I have come to like personally over the years.  I did not tell people that I have not had a close personal relationship with except bosses and some co-workers who had to know because of the time I was taking off work. 

The reception was mixed, but I think more people were cheering for me than not. 

I do have the urge to tell strangers though.  Yesterday at our grandson's birthday party I told a young woman I had never met before partly to explain why we weren't eating cake.  I think in some respect I felt as if I was being rude by attending the party, but refusing food and drink.  I think that sharing of food and drink is deeply rooted in me as a polite thing to do.  Does anyone else feel that way?

[shepkatt]

Hey IndyKitty - Yep.. Food and drink is a way to be social and also a way to please people.  I am still a huge food 'pusher'.. I am Italian so I make tons of food and encourage everyone to eat... It's a way to show love, right?  Difference is - now I make stuff I can eat too.. so 9 times out of 10 it is good for us food.  Sometimes I will answer to a request and make a big old plate of fried chicken and mashed taters, etc..  but most of the time is healthy food..  I don't think I will ever get away from that part of me that enjoys cooking for people and watching them enjoy the meal/love I have given them..

Food is such a big part of our social lives .. Give up the guilt.  It isn't healthy for you.. and no one will be offended if you don't eat the cake.. I promise.. and if they are - then they aren't worth your guilty feelings either!

[queenmarylady]

I'm starting to tell everybody now, ..even complete strangers lol.. I just came back from a weekend trip to Nevada. (Long drive, and too much snow on the roads, almost didn't get back into Cali!) and here and there something would come up and I'd end up telling a waitress or hotel receptionist or security guard, all of them "Oh yeah I am hoping to have WLS sometime this year".. lol.. I can't keep something this exciting a secret. 

[Brandilynn]

I havent really, yet.  Of course, my handsomefella knows and my mama, and then whoever he talked to to try and get information on talking me out of it (:})   I will be truthful when folks start asking, but right now - I do not feel like being an educator or a whippin post. 

I am also of the school that if you tell one person, and ask them not to tell anyone - so - I am not even telling folks in secret.  Well, except yall.

My mama is proud though (which my husband freaked out about).  She has told a LOT of her friends.  As it turns out, my preferred doctor (Dr. Alvarez) has been pretty popular for a bunch of folks at various friend's work offices!! 

[Eva]

I started looking in to this in October last year. I was planning to do the Lap Band and I wasn't going to tell a soul, including my boyfriend (dumb thing to call him when you are as old as me) but anyhow my significant other. But, the more I looked into it, read about it and learned about it I worried that he'd see my port etc. Then when I started researching what to eat, how much you can eat etc. I figured - OK he's going to notice this...we eat most of our meals together and I'm going to go from eating a normal to large portion to eating a very small portion.

Then I went for my consult and due to my diabetes my surgeon recommended the RNY. So I told my SO.

Since then I've slowly been telling my friends, I recently broke it to my parents who I was afraid to tell. People have been so great, so supportive and I really appreciate it. I've been told that I don't need it, I'm about 6'0 and weight between 280-288. I carry it well, but I'm definitely obese. My BMI is high and I have over 100 lbs to lose.

Anyhow, I'm telling people, I figure they are going to notice, I can't lie, I'm excited and it's hard to hide 

[kristopia]

I've now told most of my coworkers and a few friends I'm getting WLS.  A few had questions and concerns, but listened when I told them and are either supportive or neutral.  My coworkers are cool with it, because two of them have HAD WLS (one RNY and one Sleeve), one is at goal and looks AMAZING and the other has lost 130 lbs and is starting to look great too.  So they see the two "guinea pigs" and have heard their stories already - much easier for them to "get" mine.

NONE of my family know, though I've been tempted to tell my dad, even though I know he'll probably dis it - I just want to kind of put the bug in his ear so he'll think on it, ya know?  For himself.  Especially if he knows I did it and sees the results.

[Devilwmn]

I tell everyone.  But, I have an extremely big mouth.  My mom had her surgery a few months before I did.  She thinks I tell everyone for the attention.  I really don't think that's the case. 

[wtgrlady]

I told my family but didn't want my co-workers to know.  I felt embarrassed.  They figured out and it spread like wildfire.  Now....5 months out, I tell everyone even strangers.  I love being a surgically altered freak. 

[Mo-Mik]

I sent out a "what's your opinion" to almost all my friends and family (about 20).  I decided it was better to get any negativity out in the open and dealt with before the surgery.  What I got instead was tons of love, support and questions.  I only had one person question the necessity and express big concerns.  I had feedback from doctors, nurses, hospital workers, a cousin who admitted to also soon getting RNY, and tons of good info about friends and acquaintances.  I learned more in that little mass mailing than I ever imagined.  It also opened the door to talking with people face-to-face about my plans.  So I wouldn't have done anything differently.

I did this about 2 months ago and I'm still waiting to get approval and a date set.  But I'm not waiting alone.

[Renea]

I haven't had surgery yet.  But I have told everyone, even people I don't know hopefully it will be soon..  My dad has really scared he came to my house and told me that I didn't have to have a surgery cause he loved me the way I was..  Which dad never told us he loved us I guess he just thought we knew.. So that's why it scared me. 

[wtgrlady]

Renea, your dad is just scared for you now.  He will see how healthy you will be have the surgery.  Find support where you can find it now.  This forum is a great place.

[Renea]

I know..  My husband was 1st against it, but I talked him into going to the seminar with me and then he was ok with it.. He has been very supportive with it now.  All of my family are supportive even dad now...  I love the forums they are awesome and the people are so comforting....  Everyone has been wonderful on here.. And I'm sure that I will have plenty of questions the closer it gets to my surgery date.....Thanks to all....

[Devilwmn]

It was very hard for my husband to deal with.  He understood that I was doing it for my health, but he was worried about me and loves me just the way I am.  I told him how important it was to me and he has been my rock ever since.    I would never have survived the pre-surgery waiting period with out him.  And I was very glad to have his help when I was in the hospital.  I have a real hard time asking people to help me.  But, I can ask him forever!  (Because I know he likes helping me.)   

[shepkatt]

I was scared to say anything about it to my husband when I first made the decision.. he surprised me, though, by saying he was proud of me.. That he had been getting worried about my weight because he didn't want anything to happen to me and with the way I was going - chances are he would have outlived me..  He was very sweet about the whole thing and my biggest cheerleader.

[Renea]

Everyone in my family has surprised me.  They are all so supportive.. Friends, co-workers, everybody.. I am truely blessed to have all those people in my life....

[McNee]

I have no problem telling folks bout it. Most of my friends have known me since before I put on the last 75pounds or so (I've since lost more than half of that).

Like some have said, it's partially for the accountability. I live alone, and don't have anyone in the house other than my cat to help keep me motivated. I figured if those around me know... than I can cheat.

I also write about it on my website... upmykilt.net - been using it as a tool as I've been going through all this and educating myself.

I run an online creative writing website, and some of the folks there have know me for over 10 years even though we've never met... and they've all been very supportive as well. Even the guys on my paintball team are cheering me on... tho they are wondering who they will be able to hide behind from now on.

My mom has had concerns, but since my Aunt had WLS last May and has lost nearly 100pounds, I think she's seen how much of a positive thing it can be. She has been having success with weight watchers herself, but I came to realize I needed the extra help that the WLS will provide. She sort of paved the way for me with my family I guess....

And my boss has been very supportive and flexible with my schedule through all my appointments and such. He's a little concerned about me being gone... (we only have three people in our office), but I figure I'll be doing some work from home the week after surgery... and the $2.25mill construction project we have right now is mostly on auto-pilot... so I think it'll be fine.