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[kristopia]

I got that "isn't that a bit drastic?" from several people - mostly my father, who lost a bunch of weight (for the zillionth time, mind you) on Nutrisystem last year - I visited there in September - looks like he's gaining it back, though he still harped on me doing it (this was after my surgery, mind you - I mentioned to him that it was no longer necessary to harp on me about it, as it was a done deal).

I was telling just about everyone about my surgery.  But, then you get the people who watch what you're eating, or who seem to watch either expecting you to fail or wondering why you're not skinny right away. 

So, while I did tell anyone who asked, now when someone says, "wow, you're looking good, what did you do," I tell them the truth - that I'm eating much better and exercising much more.  If it is someone who is obese, I might tell them about my surgery, but if they're just nosey, I don't anymore. 

[futuresveltemom]

At this point, I tell people on a "need to know" basis. For example, obviously my husband and sons know as well as my parents. My boss knows along with a few closer co-workers. Interestingly, I haven't told very many (one) friends. Overall, I don't advertise it. Part of it was that I didn't want to say anything until everything was all set (surgery date, insurance letter, etc). The other part of it was that I just did not want to listen to any negativity.

My sons (teenagers) have not expressed their opinion either way. My mother has been rather negative, though, she seems to be moving toward "neutral". My father has been neutral, though he is quite interested in learning about the procedure (probably as an effort to understand it.) My boss is a very nice person, supportive but he is also concerned. He did send me a link to the Charlie Weiss RNY "failure" example, though, I think he was trying to present the option of the "mini-gastric bypass" (which, I did research but still, RNY is a better option).

Overall, I haven't been showered with "rah, rah, siss boom bah" enthusiasm except from individuals I meet online. I can honestly say that of the few people I have told, it has been the friend who was most enthusiastic and happy for me. Perhaps I should tell more friends about it and take a chance. 

My husband has been supportive but not exactly enthusiastic. This response was a little puzzling but after reading Mike's post about his perspective as a spouse, I think I understand now what he is going through. (Thanks for sharing your thoughts!)

[TracyV]

For family, I've only told my mother, she has been sworn to secrecy.  More importantly, she has been very supportive, yet wonders why I don't want to tell my siblings.  I'm not sure of their reactions.  My brother's girlfriend had a bypass about a year ago.  You would think I would gravitate to her for counsel and support, but that's not the case, 'nuf said.   
Besides, I still haven't decided between by-pass or band (today - it's band). 
Monday, 10/26, is my last scheduled Dr appt - with the internist.  So far all's a go! Well, a go - once I decide. 

[Barb]

I actually sent an email out to my dept. I wanted them all to know but I loath talking in front of people & they all know that. I've worked with most of them for more than 10 years & we all work well together.
I said that they would be seeing a change in me after December - and No, I wasn't pregnant!   I told them how happy I was to be having the surgery. I was overwhelmed with all the well wishes & kind thoughts and so far I'm glad that everyone knows. One of the ladies even said, it wouldn't be so bad if you were pregnant - I told her, I'll be 50 in 2 years, that ship has sailed!!

[TracyV]

Barb, you are fortunate to have such a great group of supporters at work.  Ten years together is a long time. 
I have no intentions of telling the people I work with ahead of time.  All of them are just way too young.  We are friendly, but, . . . at 54, I am older than their mothers (only 2 others are over 40).  Nor, does my manager doesn't 'need' to know what kind of surgery, just that I have to have surgery and will be out. 

[auntb]

well First you have to know that the DH had his surgey 2-3 years ago and about 4 people had it 4 years ago at work. So every one kind of knows the drill. I of course told the husband. Next I told my friends. I told my mom and 4 brothers after I got approved. Last I told work that was becouse one of the girls ( she worked for me)that had it 4 years ago died the day after her sugery - NOT from the sugery but from a bad nursing mistake. I told her sister first (they did the 2 sisters sugeries the same day). Family and friends very supportive at work by the time it got all the way throught the grapevine I was back to work and it was a done deal. Most of my friends and family are supportive I do have 2 friends that are not dealing with a changing me well but we'll see how that turns out.

[McNee]

I feel a little embarrased that my weight has got so bad that I have to have surgery.

Would you be embarrassed about having to go to the dentist to get a cavity filled?

Sure, there are things we can do to minimize the risk of getting a cavity... brushing after meals, flossing, etc.. but how many people out there could probably brush their teeth with sugar and honey and never get a cavity... while others can "do everything right" and get cavity after cavity.

Being overweight can be kinda like that. Some people can eat anything and everything and still have a BMI in the low 20s, while others can gain just by looking at a piece of cheese cake.

[futuresveltemom]

I love that analogy, McNee.  I never thought of it that way.

I told my co-workers at staff meeting last night. It was a telepresence meeting with the west coast and china and it was interesting to watch the reactions of my co-workers. They ranged from happy/excitement to neutral to, well, shock. I'm not sure why there was a "shock" reaction but so be it.

Part of my reason for not telling the world (yet) is that I am afraid it won't happen, ie, I'll get sick on the day of surgery or worse, she'll get in there and find some reason NOT to do it, so I would be very disappointed when I woke up then be put in the position of explaining why it didn't happen. That trepidation is so irrational because I have been through the screening, tests etc and there is no reason why it should not go smoothly. Still...I don't want to tell everyone then, if it doesn't happen, look like an idiot afterward.

Arg. I usually don't care what other people think, so why should it bother me now? I guess it is true that the physical change of this surgery is minor compared to the mental change.

I see my surgeon today for the final pre-op appointment. The purpose is to make sure I am "complying with the pre-op diet", get my pain med scripts for post op (nice...nothing sucks worse than coming home from the hospital and waiting in the pharmacy parking lot while the meds are being filled) and answer any remaining questions I have. Again, there's that "fear" of her saying "forget it". Maybe it is a subconscious fear (of getting the procedure) and I'm just projecting. I don't know.

Can't you tell I'm a wannabe closet psychologist? 

[auntb]

I think everyone feels that way before the -I'll get there and they will say just kidding - oh no we got in there and we couldn't do it on you - and afterwards it's the - I will be the only faliure at WLS ever.


It's just a brain fart as the DH would say.

[abbienormal]

I was lucky that my best friend and I were both looking into lap band and bypass together! I did tell my husband what I was up to- he understood, but was not thrilled. I also told my sister and mom before surgery- both not too supportive.  I had to endure all the what if's and sad puppydog eyes. The night before my surgery I told my dad and other sister, both reacted better than expected. My teenage daughters were hugely supportive! I do plan to tell my extended family and in-laws when I see them this holiday season.

As far as casual friends/co-workers, I never discussed my weight or weight loss attempts with anyone before my surgery. I still feel very reserved about it. I'm a teacher so it was easy to have the surgery over the summer and come back forty pounds lighter. People have been asking me how I've lost the weight and I tell them: no sugar, high protein, low carbs and lots of exercise. I do feel like it's a cheat in some ways. I don't know anyone who has gone through the surgery and I'm just not ready to be a posterchild.

[futuresveltemom]

Auntb, I think you are spot on! It is fear..fear of failing. thanks!

[abeyer]

I don't have my surgery date (yet....should be soon)...but once I made up my mind...I told EVERYONE.

It keeps me honest.  I want people to "challenge" my decision to make sure I have thought about all angles of this decision.    It has helped push me get into my new way of thinking...I belive in this decision 

The negative is that the people I care about want to change their lives around my new lifestyle (which on one hand is sweet, but friends assume I CAN'T go out to eat anymore....or that if there is a get together, I have to have SPECIAL food).   I know they do it because care about me, so I try and take it as a means of support and try to not feel uncomfortable about it.  Like when your party friend goes to rehab..."it would be inconciderate to have booze at a party when an alcoholic friend is there...right."

(well my workout theme song IS Sober by Pink....'If I let myself go, I only have myself to blame").
=D

[smoore]

As for me, it was really on a case by case or person by person basis. The closest people around me knew. For other professional business contacts, I chose to tell them that I was having gall-bladder surgery. I figured it was really none of their business and if everything worked right, the cat would be out the bag soon enough. The first people who really made any comments about my changes post-op was the local Rotary club, who kept asking questions about my health because I "mysteriously" began to get smaller. Some of them thought my health was failing and that I had cancer or something like that. It was really getting kind of irratating that everyone kept asking about why I was losing so much weight. But at the same time, I felt honored and beloved that they actually cared enough to ask.

So I decided to stand up at the meeting and explain what I had done. Everyone was totally supportive about my decision and now I have accountability to all of them as they ask each week for a WLS update from their newer slimmer local government official.. I exlained the whole thing, and the journey that led me down this path.

Looking back on it now, it turned out to be a wise decision. Now, post-op 3 months, I still run into people I haven't seen for quite a while and they are amazed, I still weigh the decision to share or not to share each time the subject comes up. It really depends on how the conversation develops as to whether I tell them about the surgery or just that I have made lifestyle changes that have had a signifigant impact on my life.

[trbsmom]

I have not had surgery as of yet, still waiting for approval (RNY). I am actually looking for advice on this very subject. I have told my close friends and Mom, and my daughters, but I work for a group of doctors (4), all internal medicine(hospitalists) and I have no idea what their views on WLS are. I am the office manager (just me and another part time person), so I know them all pretty well, and they would not be afraid to tell me their thoughts on it...but do I even bring it up? These are people that take care of patients in the hospital, many of whom are there that are obese with co-morbidities like Diabetes. I don't really know what to tell them, I will be using vacation time for the time off...do I just say nothing until I come back? Do I tell them once I am approved? Maybe I am worrying for nothing...idk. 

Thanks for reading!
Linda

[mandajo]

My husband and some close friends know, I tried to talk about with my brother and he went on a tangent about doing things the old fashion way and that I don't need surgery, I told him that it's more complicated than that and it's taken me years to come to this point where this is my only option. I tried talking to my older sister about it and she doesn't think I can do it, she thinks I'll fail and her suggestion was to go on the "Biggest Loser" lol really? She's a nurse so I thought from a medical standpoint she'd be more open about it. All of the women on my dad's side have weight issues.  It's hard for them to understand that because of a back injury and other issues it's just not an option and it's next to impossible to do things the way they think I should. My younger sister is 100% supportive, but as for the rest of the family, they don't know. It's tough for people who aren't in my close circle who know what's going on to understand. I think as I lose weight if they ask I'll tell them. The people closest to me including a few who've had WLS themselves are completely supportive and my husband is behind me so that's what matters!

[baka]

Linda - If you are uncomfortable telling them then just wait until you have had the surgery.

There is so much mis-information about WLS out there and surprisingly enough this also means that medical professionals form their views/opinions on BAD information..... Many times you will find yourself shaking your head at the things people think and say about your surgery.

I would get a medical ID bracelet in case of an emergency so the EMT's/Docs know.

mandajo - Tell your brother that only 3% of those who lose weight the "Old Fashion Way" keep it off. As sad as it is to say not everyone will support/agree with your choice.... heck even close friends who support you now may get jealous as you shrink before their eyes.

As long as you have a close knit support around you will do great - I thank heavens every day for my Rock (darling wife) who has been there every step of the way with me... even when the foamies hit  

Ian

[kmol42]

OH YES I told people!!!! I was and still am thrilled that I did this!!!!  I carry a before picture in my purse and if I get an opportunity to share my story with anyone I sure do!!!! This has so been the best choice besides accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior, I have ever made for myself!!!!!

Linda I have lost friends because of the fact that I did this and did so good. It is so sad, but we truly find out who our REAL FRIENDS are at times like this!!! 

[ltipto1]

   I told everybody that would listen.  From the moment Beth and I started talking to the insurance company, all the way through, I kept EVERYBODY informed.  LOL  I have always had a pretty bad case of "Oral Diarrhea" .  Even today 16 months out I carry our "before and after" picture on my iPhone and share it with anybody who stands still long enough.  I'm proud of what we have done, I'm proud of how far we have come, and I want everybody to know that we are ordinary people with an extraordinary story to tell.  

[mandajo]

At first only a few people knew, but lately as I've become more secure and confident with my choice I've let others in my life know. I'm surprised at whose come around after being against it, my sister and brother are now supporting my choice, even my grandmother is so excited for me. She's educated herself on WLS and is happy I'm doing this. People at my church have been really supportive as well. It's been a great surprise to have so many people backing me up and to know that I have a great support system in place! It's made me feel so much more confident about being able to make this journey. You truly find out who's really on your side when you go through things like this!

Manda

[McNee]

At first only a few people knew, but lately as I've become more secure and confident with my choice I've let others in my life know. I'm surprised at whose come around after being against it, my sister and brother are now supporting my choice, even my grandmother is so excited for me. She's educated herself on WLS and is happy I'm doing this. People at my church have been really supportive as well. It's been a great surprise to have so many people backing me up and to know that I have a great support system in place! It's made me feel so much more confident about being able to make this journey. You truly find out who's really on your side when you go through things like this!

Manda

It really is about the educating of people... and many times it falls to us to do so. Not just with friends and family, but sometimes even with the "professionals" out there.

[baka]

At first only a few people knew, but lately as I've become more secure and confident with my choice I've let others in my life know. I'm surprised at whose come around after being against it, my sister and brother are now supporting my choice, even my grandmother is so excited for me. She's educated herself on WLS and is happy I'm doing this. People at my church have been really supportive as well. It's been a great surprise to have so many people backing me up and to know that I have a great support system in place! It's made me feel so much more confident about being able to make this journey. You truly find out who's really on your side when you go through things like this!

Manda

It really is about the educating of people... and many times it falls to us to do so. Not just with friends and family, but sometimes even with the "professionals" out there.

QFE!

Sad but true

Ian

[mother2_2girls]

I have told my grandparents, my parents and step parents.  I have told 2 friends that I know will support me in my journey.   I have found that my life long and closest friends I will not tell.    When I suggested the idea  awhile ago I was told that I need to find other options and that this isn't the way to go.    So I have discussed with them that I am going to be starting a new way of living and that I am going to work out more and eat smaller portions.    I have told them that it will all be dr. supervised.   I have told them nothing but the truth I just decided to leave out the minor detail of my surgery.   I have also decided to not inform my siblings.    I have 2 sisters that are the towns gossips and continue to associate with people from my past that don't need to know either.   My mother and grandmother have had the procedure and are very supportive of my and my new life style.    My dad was excited to hear that I am going to do something to bring my weight down.  I really don't think he has a clue as to what I am going to do.    My surgery is scheduled for the 15th of june and maybe as I lose weight and I have had a while to get used to everything I will inform more people.   I will keep you all posted

[SeekingHealthy]

I made the choice to tell no one with the exception of 3 people, my DH, my sister and one of my daughters.  I come from a very large family.  I know that some of them are very judgmental and I did not want to have to deal with the garbage that stems from that.  Even as far as my revision, ONLY my DH knows about this one.  As far as the original WLS they all suspect and I have no doubt they have already made up their minds that I have had wls.  With some of the stuff that came back through the "grapevine" I knew I had made the right choice for me. 

[kristi-bisti]

At first I was telling everyone.  Now, especially after returning to work after a year long mat leave, I at least make them ask.  And then I try and distract them, then if they persist, I tell them.  It usually goes something like this...
"Wow!  You look great!  You have lost a lot of weight."
"Thank you.  I've lost about 110lbs so far."
"Your face is so small now!  Are you doing something?  Low carb? Bernstein? Weight Watchers?"
"Yeah!  It's called not eating!!!LOL  Actually it's been pretty difficult."

Here is where they will either go on with their own story about how hard it is to lose weight or will persist and ask me again.  If they do ask again, I will tell them.  I'm not ashamed of having surgery.  I totally and completely believe there was no other way for me.  And enough people know that anyone I don't tell could find out on the grapevine, but I need to know that they really want to know.  That they aren't just kicking my tires because they have nothing else to do.
I don't feel like I could not tell someone who was sincerely asking as much as I might like to.  It feels like I am hiding the truth.

[Binda]

I told my family - they're eh...not exactly "supportive" but at least the protests have slowed down.

I told close friends - but because one friend said "but you have pretty hair, skin and face and wear cute clothes, maybe you were just meant to be heavy"

THAT was when I decided to slow my roll and have been pretty picky about who I tell since then. I just wasn't prepared for that kind of comment.

"maybe you were meant to be heavy"

hmph

After surgery, then I'll tell everyone...