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[SoonerFreak]

I guess my weight loss is reaching a point where it's becoming very noticeable. For starters, I have been unable to replace most of my wardrobe, so some of my clothes just hang there. I'm starting to get out of the blue comments from both friends and co-workers. Most of these are positive - but it catches me by surprise. One of the first questions they ask is "how are you doing it?" - and I just don't know what to say. I told only a few people outside of family about my surgery and was just unprepared for these questions. I found myself lying four times in the past week to both friends and co-workers - and I feel terrible about it.

Two of the three cases were in public settings, with many people within earshot, so I felt very uncomfortable. One was with a business contact who is a super health nut who wanted all types of nutritional details, etc. She was happy for me but she was somewhat concerned (as if I must have some type of illness I wasn't talking about - at least this is what was going through my mind).

This reached a ridiculous level this week on a business trip when a co-worker and I went to dinner. She Really wanted to go to an expensive, well known seafood place. I was starving, but none of the other options were even remotely possible for me. So I agree to go. It was the first time I'd been to a quality place since my surgery. It was very stressful going through that menu. I ended up going with some white fish and vegetables in a sauce of unknown origin and some rice. It ended up being delicious - but I spent the whole time scared to death I was going to dump or have the foamies because I wasn't sure exactly what I was eating! Also spent considerable effort pushing food around my plate to make it look like I'd eaten more than I did (I ended up eating about half the meal over the course of the hour and had no problems).

Can't believe I did that. I'm really shocked by my response. I planned on being honest with people if they asked - but when the time comes I just freeze up. Now that I blew it, will it ever be possible to start telling the truth? Is it something I should even care about?

[baka]

Tell them you adopted a new healthy lifestyle and are watching your nutritional intake with an emphasis on protein and exercising regularly

No lies there........

Ian

[Army Wife]

I didn't feel the need to tell everyone I work with about my personal choice to have surgery.  I just told them that I cut my calorie intake and started exercising . . . both the truth.

[Seht]

Do what makes you comfortable.

But what makes you uncomfortable about telling them?

Many will understand, some won't, and a portion of them won't even care.  I think this is true with many things that make us feel uneasy.  We are the ones hung up on it, and blow it out of proportion.  However, it really doesn't matter if they get it, approve of it or care one way or the other.
You did this for you, not to please them.

[Dr_Adventure]

What is driving the need NOT to tell?  I would think this would be important to know (e.g. is is privacy, embarrassment, fear of reaction, etc.).  I personally tell everyone now (did not before the surgery) - in fact this past weekend I was at a board meeting and my eating pattern was very noticeable - I had thought I had told them all - but I guess they only knew I had surgery - I was getting the same kind of what's going on with you - so I would tell people individually - and then finally told the whole group when I realized I probably had not told the group earlier.  I figure the results are going to be dramatic and I don't want them to think I have cancer or AIDS.

[shepkatt]

I understand the fear of telling.. It's like 'outing yourself'.. admitting to people that you got to the point where you needed surgery to help intervene.  I totally get it.

For the people who asked in public settings who you feel you are okay talking about this with, call them.. get them alone.. let them know that this is still new to you and you weren't sure how to react.. and then let them know what you are comfortable sharing.

[lesliethequeen]

We are still in the mode of people thinking we took the easy way out or we gave up and did this instead...I understand totally.

But after watching my friend have the surgery and tell no one and then be very coy while she told little fibs to people so she wouldn't have to admit to the surgery, I vowed to tell anyone who asked the truth.

Of course, as you all must know by now, I never know when to keep my mouth shut anyway!

So, if people ask, I tell them that I had weight loss surgery, wait for their shocked and amazed reaction, tell them it hasn't been the most fun I even had and I answer whatever questions they have. You know, we are a pretty exclusive group, we WLSers - people are always going to be curious.

You have to do whatever makes you comfortable, but let's all remember, this isn't something to be embarrassed about - we did the best we could for us and we should be proud of taking control of our lives!

Just my opinion...

[SoonerFreak]

You are right Leslie. This was certainly the view I had going in. I even thought I could help educate people and discourage stereotypes...But you don't know what you are going to do until you are on the spot. I don't know if I thought the weight loss would be gradual enough that people wouldn't notice as much - but it really is noticeable. I was not prepared for the look of shock some people have on their faces - but I understand it.

Some of this might be due to the fact I'm still trying to get used to this. Getting clothes that actually fit (at least for awhile) might help. The fact that people actually care enough about how I look to comment is something I've never experienced.

[Dr_Adventure]

I fully believe that MANY people in my life were concerned about my weight - though they never said it (except for a very few close friends) - what they were scared of is me dying - and in the end that was my fear too! I have not had any negative reactions yet - at least none to my face - The only ones that have expressed some concern are those who have seen it go wrong - gain the weight back, looking unhealthy (lack of protein) etc.

I think getting new clothes will be good - BUT - we live in a VERY body conscious world - people will notice and as Linda and
Toni pointed out in one episode - it becomes more and more noticeable as we get smaller and smaller. 50lb out of 400 is noticeable - but 50 from 200 is VERY noticeable.

[ToDream]

I've been quiet about what I told people too.  Some people in my office know but most don't and every now and then (especially the last 40 lbs) there's been a lot more interest in how I've lost the weight THIS time...

Lately, my response has been portion control and emphasis on protein first.  It isn't necessarily untrue.. its just not the complete truth

[lesliethequeen]

It's hard to be brave.

I have spent many years having people say mean things, or unkind things, even when they think they were giving me a compliment...

I will probably spend the rest of my life expecting people to say things without thinking about how I will feel about it. I have lost 95 pounds and to the rest of the world I am still fat...and now I'm wrinkled too! To me, I think I'm sort of normal size and pretty darn cute...

People ask if we're sick - well, what business is that of theirs? "Why yes, I am dying of terminal colon cancer. Thank you for asking..." Pretty rude. But, as I said, we freaks are an oddity and people are curious...I know I was.

On the other hand, I had a woman tell me I looked amazing on Sunday and ask how I am doing. i thought she thought I was sick, so I said, "You know I weight loss surgery, right?" she said Yes, of course, and her husband is having the VSG in 2 weeks. She just wanted to get some encouragement and I was in full "How embarrassing for me to have somebody else not know about all this!" mode. We had a good chat after that...I just wish I was more comfortable with the whole thing  - especially since I have a lot of bravado!

Do you think it would be weird to call him and see if he has questions? I never want to bother people...

If someone out there has the answer to when life becomes easy, I'd sure like to hear from you...

[McNee]

Lately, my response has been portion control and emphasis on protein first.  It isn't necessarily untrue.. its just not the complete truth

It's not untrue at all.

The funny thing is... I think for the most part... people don't really want to know how you did it.
I think part of it is... it's something you might almost be expected to ask when you encounter someone who seems to have lost a significant amount of weight... it's habit. Yea, there may be some peripheral curiosity, but for the most part, I don't think they really "care".

There are some, like other fitness or health buffs that will have some actual curiosity. And there are some who will end up being genuinely interested.. not so much in how for the sake of knowing how, but your true friends want to know because i'd bet on some level they are concerned. Are you being healthy about it. Especially RNY/VSG, where it is rapid loss. On some level, they want to make sure you're "ok".

I had a friend who I hadn't seen in a bit that knew of my surgery... and by the time I saw him after surgery I had not only lost over 100 pounds bout I had started shaving my head... and he came out and said to me "Geez Rob, you look great, but between the hair 'loss' and weight loss, if I didn't know better I would have thought you had cancer or something".

So long way of saying... the simple statements like others offered up are usually all someone "wants" to know. So if you're not comfortable in sharing more than that... leave it at that. If your real friends really are interested in knowing more, they'll ask more questions... then you can decide how much further to take the conversation.

[MacMadame]

I vowed to tell everyone the truth because otherwise it just gets so complicated.

But the longer out I am from surgery, the less I feel like going into the details. That surprised me.

[McNee]

regardless of keeping it straight or whatever, I told everyone as a form of accountability for myself...

[shepkatt]

Plus.. as we said in a recent episode.. Not telling people will cut you off from another avenue of support.  Sometimes people seem annoying when they point out that you are eating something that is perhaps not on your list of approved foods.. but it is a method of accountability when we start to get off track.. Annyoing.. but sometimes effective.  :-)