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[T'Rina-Lock-DS]

Please bare with me, this is the only place on line my family doesn't have much of a chance of finding, they haunt my facebook and my blogs and through them twitter and they use stuff I say against me and I need to vent because this family crap is effecting my health.


My dad died on the 28th of May, I am oddly ok with this, he did nothing wrong but have a weak heart, I love and miss him but I am dealing with that part alright though I did have a horrible binge that night but the next day remembered how proud he has been of me my whole life and how he was so happy to see me lose weight for MY sake and my health and I started to get the Binge under control.
Then came the AUNTS.
My aunts (my Dad's sisters) are certifiable, quite literally, and they have fought an on going battle since they were children and now they are dragging us along with them.  Everyone seems to have something to say about how my dad should be remembered when really it is only up to my step mom, me and my brother (who is getting into the drama with my aunts) and yet there have been screaming fights and blow ups about it and they both claim the other said things and did things and I am the one they are forcing to be in the middle.  they fight over Grave sites that wont even hold his ashes and they fight over who did what to whom when and some of it is 50+ years ago
All I want to do is plan my dads wake (no funeral his wishes) and they are making it a horrible horrible thing, now after my brother wrote a letter spouting off to one aunt and claiming that *I* was mad at her and did not trust her I got a screaming phone call followed by tears and weedeling to get me on her side, my other aunt tells people that I am on her side when I am not, I am going insane and I just want to be left alone but that makes me everyone's enemy.
On top of all this I have to vend my crafts at our PRIDE festival on the 16th and can't get out of it and plan the wake for the 23rd

I could maybe deal with it but the stress is bringing up horrible habits, I want to get drunk, get high and eat and I know none of those are going to help but food is the easy stress reliever.  I was already doing pretty bad with the munchies and snacking on the wrong things and just before he died I was trying to rein it in and now it is gone crazy.
I am trying yet again, I have sent letters to my brother and aunts telling them that they need to leave me out of it, they are hurting me mentally, emotionally and physically and I have to protect my health. 
I bought 10 pounds of meatballs at a food service place and I am stocking up on protein based foods and making myself drink 64 oz of just water beyond anything else I drink and I am trying to walk more though the stress is bringing on a flare up of my arthritis.
I have decided I just have to DO IT, not eat the sweets, not slip up, I have to force myself to deal with this. My dad was clean and sober for 20+ years, he was one of the few people who understood how sugar is addictive on a primal level since when he first gave up booze he gained about 40 pounds and never really lost it and he always told me I had to own my problem, accept that I had an issue and then just NOT DO THAT THING.  Over and over, minute by minute not give in and if I do give in, STOP and not punish myself but not use it as an excuse.
I will not let 2 miserable women and a blow hard who thinks he knows everything ruin my life or my memories of my dad, I will not be them.

Thank you for letting me vent.

[chellebee]

so sorry for your loss.

[T2Nashville]

Trina - I too am so sorry for your loss - I know that pain - my Daddy passed away in 2007.

It's a shame that some families show their worst selves during the pain of grieving, but it does happen. My extended family has shown their true selves through the passing of others, and my Mom, brother, and I were determined that this would not happen with us. Daddy's passing was calm and peaceful in every way, and I'm grateful for that. It was also the catalyst that brought about my decision to have WLS.

It sounds as though you are making every effort with your family to save yourself from the drama and the return to bad habits, and as long as you recognize this, you should be just fine. Continue to make your stand with them, and I am praying for your continued peace and success.

[Kierie]

Trina My heart goes out to you. If those 2 old bags want to yell at each other fine. If they want to drag you into it. you and your brother and step mom need to tell them to keep their poison out of your life. I will be praying for you and your fam. Don't Let the harpies get you to backslide be strong for you and your dad!
Lots of Love
Kier

[MacMadame]

Trina

My family is crazy too. They feud and try to get people to take sides and it's horrible. What I've learned to do is just ignore it. I don't engage with them. If this one isn't talking to that one and wants no one else to talk to that one too, it's not my problem. I talk to them all and they can decide how to deal with that. And, if they start talking crap about each other or try to get me to take sides, I just ignore it. I don't respond to their ranting voice mails or FB posts or emails. I just delete them without even listening/reading them. If they try to get me into a conversation about  their fights, I just say I'm not going to talk about it.

I have hung up on people and walked out of their homes because they try to engage me in their crap. And, after a while, they realize I'm not going to get sucked in and they don't even try. Granted it took about a decade for that to happen. But they learned eventually.

I really don't think you can do anything else and remain sane. At least I can't.

[Dr_Adventure]

Sorry for your loss - it sounds like your father was an important part of your getting health - so your plan sounds like a great way to honor him.  As for family - you got to take care of yourself - if they are not supportive (or healthy for you) - minimize involvement - you can not fix them! 

Follow your plan - we are here to support you!

[lesliethequeen]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. What a blow to you...please accept my hugs and healing thoughts and know that there are a lot of people here who are sending you good prayers and blessings.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the crazies...I had a couple of crazy nieces with their hands in the pot when my mom died...it's not pleasant. I still,  a year and a half later, am dealing with their nonsense.

But, like you, my dad would have been so happy at my weight loss. He worried about me all the time and I think of him often as this miracle takes place. Don't let others take away from your push to get healthy...or your memory of your dad and his pride in your accomplishments.

Take care of you...please...
Leslie

[lolita1971]

I actually can relate...

Breathe deeply and take it one day at a time. 

Sounds like you are a remarkable and strong woman, embrace it.

Sending hugs--Sylvia

[chellewins]

Realize that if you drink, eat, or use that you are really just stuffing your emotions. Find healthy alternatives to deal with your emotions (walk, read, go to a movie, see friends, etc) whenever that mood hits. Come back and talk to us here. Join the support group chat online on Tuesdays. Do whatever you have to do in order to not go back to those old habits. I am sorry for the loss of your father, I am sure he is rooting for your success wherever you believe him to be.

Best,

Michelle

[T'Rina-Lock-DS]

Well one day down, no unnecessary carbs today and I am going to try to cut my splenda usage down and start using Stevia in my coffee when possible and see if it helps with the gassy gut and if cutting down on carbs helps with the headaches I have been having

[HopenToBeThin]

Trina I am so sorry for your loss, sounds like you lost your dad and your number one supporter at the same time.  That has to be hard.  One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.

As for the family situation, I have found that people who are so self centered rarely change their behavior when you plead with them to change because of what they are putting you through.  Unfortunately that is not their focus.  I would suggest you plan the wake the way you want to remember your dad.  Invite the family, but warn them that this will be a time to remember the good things and why they loved him and if they are not going to be in that frame of mind they need not come.  No fighting will be tolerated, and if it happens they will be asked to leave.  I know it sounds harsh, but for those who attend, it will make for a much better parting party. I  will pray for a good outcome for you.